Why Confident People Are Happier People

By twenty-five, I thought I had what success was. I had the car, a house, and I was in a relationship. Add to that, I scored a job that I think every parent wants for their child. Office, benefits, proper benefits, and a healthy direct deposit. What else could I want... right?

Why did I feel guilty admitting I wasn't actually happy? What was wrong with me?

Turns out, the success I had was great. It just wasn't what I felt success was. It was the version my parents always wanted that I had accepted as my truth. So I quit my job, dove into personal growth, and started figuring out who I was and what I actually wanted.

I drove down to Long Beach less than eight months later.

Confidence and happiness travel together

When psychologist Roy Baumeister and his colleagues reviewed decades of self-esteem research in 2003, a lot of popular beliefs didn't hold up. One did. They found self-esteem "has a strong relation to happiness," and said they were persuaded that high self-esteem does lead to greater happiness. (They're careful to say the research hasn't fully nailed down cause and effect, and I love that honesty.)

A 2022 review by Ulrich Orth and Richard Robins went further, finding that people with higher self-esteem tend to have better relationships, more success at school and work, and better mental and physical health down the road.

So what's going on? Here's what I've seen in my own life and in the 950+ women I've worked with in a single year.

5 reasons confident people are happier

1. They live their own version of success. When you trust yourself, you stop chasing someone else's checklist. That alone takes a huge weight off.

2. They spend less time replaying things. Less "did I say the wrong thing?" and more "okay, what's next?" That's a lot of mental energy freed up for actual joy.

3. Their relationships feel better. Confident people ask for what they want and let go of what doesn't fit. That makes room for people who actually get them. How to Set Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty is a great place to start here.

4. They bounce back faster. Baumeister's team found one clear performance perk of high self-esteem: people kept going after failure. A setback stings, and it doesn't define them.

5. They notice what's going right. Confidence and gratitude feed each other. When you feel good about who you are, it's easier to see the good around you.

How to build the happy kind of confidence

Check whose dream you're living. Grab a pen and ask yourself: if nobody was watching, what would I want? Questions to Ask Yourself During a Life Reset has prompts to get you going.

Start a gratitude practice that includes you. Write down three good things each day, and make one of them something you did.

The Guided Gratitude Journal makes this a five-minute habit. Curious why it works? Read The Real Benefits of Gratitude Journaling.

Praise yourself out loud. Especially if you grew up without hearing "good job" very often. How to Build Self-Esteem When You Didn't Grow Up Hearing "Good Job" is for you.

Here's an affirmation for today:

I am creating a life that feels good from the inside. My happiness is mine to choose, and I choose it today.

Want a little backup?

The Clear and Confident Course is seven weeks of getting clear on what you want and building the confidence to go after it. Want me to speak with your team? Visit CherylSutherland.com.

Sources: Baumeister, Campbell, Krueger and Vohs, Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 2003. Orth and Robins, "Is High Self-Esteem Beneficial? Revisiting a Classic Question," American Psychologist, 2022.

About the author

Cheryl Sutherland is a confidence coach, keynote speaker, and the founder of PleaseNotes. She helps women own their worth through workshops, keynotes, and personal growth tools that make confidence something you can practise every day. Her work has been featured in Forbes, InStyle, HuffPost, Fast Company, and Thrive Global, and she's partnered with organizations like WestJet, Intuit, CBC, and Dress for Success. Want Cheryl to speak with your team? Visit CherylSutherland.com.