What Is Confidence Actually Made Of? (4 Ingredients You Can Build)

Okay, quick question. When you picture a confident person, who shows up? The loud one at the party? The woman who walks into a meeting like she owns the building? Same, friend. For a long time I thought confidence was a personality type. You either had it or you didn't.

When I was 22, I was breaking records selling phones for Rogers in North Hill mall in Calgary. Fun fact: North Hill was literally the mall where the elderly walked laps and met up for coffee. I knew I'd crush it at Chinook Centre, the top store in the city, so I asked my boss to move me. Again and again. After way too much time and a million promises, I finally got the green light.

Then I walked in, and the team there was not as friendly as my old crew. Within a week they had me feeling like I didn't belong.

Here's the funny part. I trusted that I could sell. I had the numbers to prove it. I still let a room full of new coworkers decide whether I was good enough to be there. Turns out confidence isn't one thing. It's a mix, and I was missing a piece.

So what is confidence, really?

My definition is simple: confidence is a willingness. A willingness to go after what you want and ask for more. You build it in action, not in thought. When you break it down, it's made of four ingredients.

1. Self-trust. This is believing your own read on things. You make a call, and you back yourself instead of polling five friends first.

2. Proof. Psychologist Albert Bandura called this self-efficacy, your belief that you can handle a specific situation. His research found the strongest way to build it is through mastery experiences, which is a fancy way of saying you do the thing and watch yourself survive it. Seeing people like you succeed, hearing encouragement, and how you read your body's nerves all play a part too.

3. Self-worth. This is knowing you're valuable before you achieve anything. Proof says "I can." Worth says "I deserve to be here." They're different, and you want both.

4. Willingness to act. This is courage, doing it scared. We dig into this one in Courage vs Confidence.

The ingredient most of us skip

Worth. Chinook Centre me had trust and proof in spades. My worth was still on loan from whoever was in the room. Plenty of high achievers live here, stacking receipts and still feeling one bad meeting away from being found out. If that sounds familiar, 7 Quiet Signs of Low Self-Esteem in Adults is worth a read.

The fix isn't more achievement. It's deciding your worth isn't up for a vote.

How to build each ingredient this week

Self-trust: Make one small decision today without asking anyone. Lunch spot, outfit, the email subject line. Small reps count.

Proof: Every night, write down one thing you handled well. Before long you'll have a whole stack of evidence that you're capable.

The Guided Clarity Journal for Confidence has prompts made for exactly this, so your confidence is built on real moments.

Self-worth: Write one affirmation every morning and mean it. Here's one to start with:

I am worthy exactly as I am today. I belong in every room I walk into, and I bring something valuable just by being there.

Our Affirmation Pens make this little ritual feel extra cute.

Willingness: Pick one ask this week. A raise, a favour, a seat at the table. Do it scared.

For more ways to put this into practice, check out How to Build Confidence and Self-Belief.

Want a little backup?

If you'd love support building all four ingredients, the Clear and Confident Course walks you through it over seven weeks. Come to find out, confidence was never something you were missing. It's something you build, one ingredient at a time.

Source: Bandura's Self-Efficacy Theory, Simply Psychology, summarizing Bandura, "Self-efficacy: Toward a unifying theory of behavioral change," Psychological Review, 1977.

About the author

Cheryl Sutherland is a confidence coach, keynote speaker, and the founder of PleaseNotes. She helps women own their worth through workshops, keynotes, and personal growth tools that make confidence something you can practise every day. Her work has been featured in Forbes, InStyle, HuffPost, Fast Company, and Thrive Global, and she's partnered with organizations like WestJet, Intuit, CBC, and Dress for Success. Want Cheryl to speak with your team? Visit CherylSutherland.com.