Courage vs Confidence: What's the Difference (and Which One Comes First)?

Okay, grab your coffee, because I have to tell you about the time I almost had to wing an entire panel.

I was MCing an event for a nonprofit tech company out of California. Fun fact nobody tells you about MCing: it's not just being the bubbly personality who gets the room hyped. You're also the timekeeper. So picture it. The panel's about to start, the founder is supposed to walk on stage and interview everyone, and... she's gone. Nowhere. Poof.

Was my heart pounding? Oh, absolutely. Did I have a plan? Kind of! I'd already researched every panelist, I knew the topic, and I managed to grab her talking points. So I was literally walking toward the stage to do it myself when she came rushing in about a minute late. I handed it right back to her like nothing happened (smooth, right?).

I never actually went on. That little moment still taught me something huge, though. I can step up when it counts, and things really do work out.

Here's why I'm telling you this. For years, I said things like "I'll go for it once I feel more confident." Sound familiar? Turns out, I had it backwards. Confidence isn't what gets you started. Courage is.

So what's courage, exactly?

Courage is doing the thing while you're still scared. The fear's there. The doubt's there. You go anyway. Courage doesn't wait around asking "am I ready?" It asks, "does this matter enough to try?"

Okay, so what about confidence?

Confidence is trusting that you can handle it. Psychologist Albert Bandura called this "self-efficacy" back in 1977, and his research found the strongest way to build it is through mastery experiences. Translation? You get confident by doing the thing and watching yourself survive it.

That's the whole secret, boo. Confidence is built from receipts, and you can't collect receipts without taking the first leap.

Courage vs confidence, side by side

Which one comes first?

Courage. Pretty much every time. Think about your first time driving, giving a presentation, or setting a boundary. Did you feel confident? Probably not! You felt nervous and did it anyway. That was courage. The second and third time felt easier, right? That was confidence starting to show up.

We get into this more in The Confidence Myth: You Don't Need Confidence to Begin.

What this looked like for me

Real talk: PleaseNotes didn't go full-time because of some big, bold entrepreneurial leap. I was living in the States on a work visa, and when I quit my job, finding someone new to sponsor me wasn't realistic. Going all in on my own business was the only door left open. Was I confident? Not even a little. I walked through that door anyway.

Anywho, not long after, I accidentally ended up in Toronto (long story) with no access to my products and no network. I was burned out, and honestly, going back to a bank job was looking pretty cozy. Then I got kicked out of the place I was staying. Cool, cool, cool.

What I did have was this quiet knowing that I wouldn't have been given the idea for PleaseNotes if I wasn't meant to keep going. So I kept going. I ended up working out of a WeWork downtown, went to an event there that introduced me to the BDC, got a loan, and here we are. Still going!

I didn't feel confident in either of those seasons. I was courageous. The confidence came later, built on proof that I'd made it through, and it's the same confidence I lean on now every time I walk on stage.

How to use courage to build confidence

1. Make "brave" smaller. Courage doesn't have to be a dramatic movie moment. Sending the email counts. Raising your hand counts. Asking the question counts. Those tiny brave moments stack up faster than you'd think, which is exactly what How Small Wins Build Big Self-Trust is all about.

2. Let the fear ride along. If you're waiting for the fear to leave first, you'll be waiting a while. Let it sit in the passenger seat. Just don't hand it the keys. Why Self-Doubt Is Actually a Sign You're Expanding explains why those nerves are often a good sign.

3. Give yourself a pep talk. Seriously. Before something that stretches you, have a few words ready to lean on.

Our 10 Affirmations to Increase Your Courage download is perfect for this. Save it to your phone and read it on the walk into the meeting. Want more? Check out Courage to Start Affirmations for Women, or try this one on for size:

I am brave enough to begin. I trust myself to take the next step, and I grow stronger every time I show up for what matters to me. My courage is building my confidence today.

4. Keep your receipts. This is where courage turns into confidence. Every time you do something brave, write down what you did and what you learned. Before long, you'll have a whole stack of proof that you can handle hard things.

The Guided Clarity Journal for Confidence has prompts made for exactly this, so your confidence is built on real moments, not on whatever mood you woke up in.

5. Pick one brave thing this week. You know the one. The thing you keep saying you'll do "when you're ready." Name it, put it in your calendar, and do it scared. If it's a bigger life change, Finding the Courage to Change Course is a great place to start.

Want a little backup?

If you'd love some support turning those brave moments into confidence that sticks, the Clear and Confident Course walks you through it over seven weeks. I've got you covered.

So here's your reminder, friend. You don't need confidence to start. You just need enough courage for the first step. Confidence will be waiting for you on the other side.

Source: Bandura's Self-Efficacy Theory, Simply Psychology, summarizing Bandura, "Self-efficacy: Toward a unifying theory of behavioral change," Psychological Review, 1977.

About the author

Cheryl Sutherland is a confidence coach, keynote speaker, and the founder of PleaseNotes. She helps women own their worth through workshops, keynotes, and personal growth tools that make confidence something you can practise every day. Her work has been featured in Forbes, InStyle, HuffPost, Fast Company, and Thrive Global, and she's partnered with organizations like WestJet, Intuit, CBC, and Dress for Success. Want Cheryl to speak with your team? Visit CherylSutherland.com.