How to Raise a Confident Child: It Starts With What They See You Do.
Here's something I've noticed after years of running confidence workshops. Nearly every room asks the same question about the kids in their lives. How do I help them feel confident? Then, about ten minutes in, the question turns around. How do I feel confident myself?
Turns out, that's not a detour. It's the answer. Children pay close attention to how the grown ups around them talk about themselves, handle mistakes, and go after what they want. They're taking notes all day, whether we mean to teach or not.
The good news is that modelling confidence doesn't mean being confident all the time. It means letting kids watch you practice.
1. Talk about yourself the way you'd like them to talk about themselves
Kids hear the throwaway lines. "I'm so bad at this." "Ugh, look at me today." Those sentences become part of how a child talks to themselves.
Try saying one kind thing about yourself out loud each day, in front of them. It can be small. "I worked hard on that, and I'm proud of it." Simple, honest, and very catching.
A fun way to make it a family habit is to pull affirmation cards together. Each of you picks a card, and you all read yours out loud. The Building Blocks Kids Affirmation Card Deck has 35 affirmation cards and 15 activity cards, so there's plenty to choose from, and the sturdy, rounded cards are made for small hands.
Building Blocks Kids Affirmation Card Deck
2. Let them watch you try something new
Confidence isn't a feeling that shows up first. It's built in action, one small step at a time. So let your child see you do something you aren't great at yet. Cook a new recipe, sign up for the class, ask the question in the meeting.
Say what's happening out loud. "I feel nervous about this, and I'm going to try anyway." That one sentence teaches more than any pep talk.
3. Repair after a rough moment
Every parent has a moment they wish they could redo. A snapped sentence, a rushed morning, a tired night. What matters most is what happens next.
Come back and say so. "I raised my voice earlier, and I'm sorry. Let's try again." Kids learn that mistakes are survivable and that relationships can be repaired. That's a strong foundation for self-trust.
If you'd like support with the words, the Parent and Educator Guidebook takes the pressure off "doing it right." It offers simple ways to support children through everyday moments, with conversation starters and daily practice ideas for mornings, after school, and bedtime. You can read more about the conversation side in our post on helping your child name big feelings.
4. Make space for feelings, theirs and yours
Children feel more confident when their feelings are welcome. Sit beside your child with the "My Feelings Matter!" Affirmation and Activity Colouring Book and colour together. You can name your own feelings while they name theirs. Colouring keeps hands busy, and that often makes it easier for the words to come.
"My Feelings Matter!" Affirmation and Activity Colouring Book
5. Give your own inner voice a place to land
Grown ups need a practice too, and it doesn't need to be big. Five quiet minutes with a journal at the end of the day can change how you show up for everyone else.
If you'd like to start with what's going well, the The Guided Gratitude Journal offers 100 easy prompts and a guided 60 minute workshop to help you begin. If you're in a season of big decisions and want to get clear on what you want, the The Guided Clarity Journal guides you through reflection on who you are and where you'd like to go.
A week of small habits
- Monday: Say one kind thing about yourself out loud.
- Tuesday: Pull a card at breakfast, one for each of you.
- Wednesday: Try something new and say how you feel about it.
- Thursday: Colour together for ten minutes.
- Friday: Write down three good moments from your week.
Bringing this conversation to your group
I get to have this conversation with organizations, teams, and community groups, and it never gets old. Grown ups leaving a room with real language and real tools is one of my favourite things to see, because it shows up at home, too.
If you'd like to bring a workshop on confidence, self-trust, or communication to your team, parent group, or community, you can learn more at cherylsutherland.com. You can also read more about my approach in this Q and A with me. If that's a conversation worth having, I'd love to hear from you.
For everything on the kids' side, browse the full kids and teens collection. Chat soon.
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