How Do I Accept People Where They Are?

By being okay with where you are.

Growth can be an uncomfortable thing.  Sometimes you want to do it quicker, be bigger and better and achieve all the goals you set out.  Then you look around and notice other people not moving at the same speed or trajectory as you.

That familiar feeling starts. 

Loneliness.

Isolation.

Guilt.

Responsibility.

A whole host of things based on the fact that you are making moves and achieving your goals in a much different way then those around you. Then your parents ever did. 

Some people charge head on into isolation mode.

“If I can’t see you, I don’t feel the separation between us.”

This is also in the same vein of breaking up with someone before they can break up with you.  A way of controlling your surroundings, and that can be a very lonely life. The tricky thing about it is what's the good in having this success, making this difference if you've got no one to share it with?

Some people choose to perform at a lower level.

“If I fit in, then I’ll still be loved and cared for.”

This is like staying in a relationship, job, or situation you feel others expect you to be in. The safety and security feel good for a while, and then the nagging feeling starts.  The inauthenticity starts showing up in different areas, and some people feel unsatisfied, sadness or even depression. This band-aid is only covering up a festering wound.  Sooner or later, you have to look at at, or deal with sepsis. 

I remember always thinking that I had to be a different person for everyone.  This group of friends saw me as the funny, playful person. When I experienced a loss, I felt there was no way I could grieve in front of them. That wasn’t my purpose in that group of people, and if I wasn’t that, then I wasn’t useful.

Some people feel like they can’t be great unless  help others be great. 

"I shouldn’t reach so high or charge this much or want this much if my friends and family are struggling. Who am I to want this?"

So they play a smaller game, and choose to not step into their full potential.  We see this all the time with school children.  Their grades will adjust depending on the people they hang out with. Fitting in is a 

So what can you do?

When you put yourself, your feelings and your wellbeing above anything else, that’s when the magic happens.

Yes, there may be a shift in who you hang out with, your activities and where you spend your time, and that is a good thing.  You are setting a real example for others around you as they have seen who you are, where you came from, and now where you’re at, and it may give them hope, inspiration, motivation to do the same thing. 

Or it may not. 

Do it for you.  Be the neighborhood success story.  Be that person that dedicated the time, energy and focus on what they really wanted, whether or not other people where on board.  Let your successes speak for themselves and stay accountable to your dreams.  Transform all the good and the bad into fuel and enjoy the journey.